He or She Won’t Commit: How long do you wait for someone to commit?

If someone were to ask, “What is the true expression of love?” My answer would be “commitment.”

Of course, the perfect answer would be “die for another”, but the reality is that there are not many opportunities for each of us to die for another to show our love.

In terms of love between a woman and a man, what defines “commitment”?

Difficult question! There are probably as many answers as couples and individuals in partnerships.

Some ways the word “commitment” has been used include:

– A formal public vow in which two people choose to dedicate themselves to each other for life, through a marriage ceremony, whether religious or civil.

– An arrangement that allows two people to enjoy all the benefits of marriage, but without the “slippery realities” of a religious or civil contract (living as a couple)

– An agreement to start planning a future together (commitment)

– A verbal contract to “see how it works” before you start planning a future together.

– A verbal contract to continue working and investing in the relationship.

– Promise to have only one sexual partner (exclusive relationship)

As you can see, the commitment of every man and woman is different, and that’s perfectly fine. But whether the commitment to you means a marriage ceremony and a vow or verbal agreement to be exclusive sexual partners, one thing is for sure: a committed relationship is not something that simply happens because you have been with the same person for a certain period. of time. time, so things progress “naturally” toward a committed relationship.

We all know very well that in real life that is not what happens. What happens is that one of the members of the couple feels committed but does not feel the same level of commitment as the other person. Getting someone who doesn’t seem willing or who is resistant to commit to commit is probably one of the hardest things to do.

Some men and women may be tempted to tell the other person to come up or out, but this generally doesn’t work because people generally resent being forced to leave their position and are likely to leave or try to undermine the relationship. . Just as you cannot insist that someone love you or love you, neither can you insist that someone commit to you. To insist or try to force a commitment is to court unhappiness, pain and a broken heart.

So what do you do if you are ready for a commitment and the other person still doesn’t seem to have made it? Do you wait for him or her to commit to you and the relationship?

There is no hard and fast rule of thumb as to when a relationship should move from one stage to the next, but if your relationship has been stable for some time but things just aren’t moving forward, it’s time to take matters into your own hands.

The first step is to assess the commitment potential of the relationship. Sometimes it’s about really understanding the situation and why the commitment hasn’t been mentioned and if it’s been mentioned why you’re not in a committed relationship, yet!

An honest, realistic, and open inventory of the situation would include, among other things, figuring out what the other person cares or worries about. Most men and women have good reasons for resisting, some may be aware of their reasons and others have no idea about themselves.

The other person may be more focused on the negatives than the positives. There is a possibility that he / she thinks that things just won’t work out, that they will fail, that they will hurt themselves, or that they will hurt you.

If his fears are unfounded, reassure him. If you don’t understand what he is saying, ask him to explain it to you. Don’t assume you know what worries or worries you the most. Ask, listen, and empathize with their concerns or concerns. When someone is allowed to talk about their fears and reservations in a safe and supportive environment, without being attacked or teased, they are more likely to see that their fears are unfounded.

It is also possible that the other person is comfortable with the current situation and feels that a compromise will change things and even spoil them. If you think that the uncertainties, risks, and what you have to give up outweigh the benefits of a committed relationship, you won’t be inclined to change that commitment brings.

The best thing to do in this situation is to explain in words and demonstrate with actions what benefits you personally. You need to see that the future will be better than the current situation. He / she also needs to feel that he / she will not only be a beneficiary of that desired future, but an equal co-creator to make the future happen. Your commitment will be directly proportional to your confidence and enthusiasm, so be sure to keep communication open at all times.

It is important to remember that while resistance to commitment can sometimes seem like your world has stalled, resistance to commitment can also be healthy. It can act as brakes that slow you down and allow you to see things more clearly (is this person right for you?) And also manage the process at a pace that is emotionally and financially comfortable for you.

That said, it’s not a very good idea not to wait too long before bringing up the commitment, as things can get too comfortable to change.