The definition of high maintenance

I recently saw a slogan that said “I’m not high maintenance, I just need more shoes.” What’s this with men calling us high maintenance, anyway? It’s hard work being a classy woman!

To look perfect every time, we need the right tools: the bubble bath, the lotions and potions, the fluffy towels, the outfit, the makeup, the hairstyle and the perfect manicure and pedicure combination. Imagine going out without all those elements?

As a woman, it’s not about getting out of bed, putting on yesterday’s jeans and loafers, and smiling in the mirror on the way to work. We have too much class to do that. That’s why I say: they call it high maintenance, we call it fancy.

What’s wrong with a woman having 200 pairs of shoes? Only one thing: there are only two hundred and not 300 hundred. There are 365 days in most years, but being a woman requires much more than that. First of all, there are the slippers that you wear to get out of bed. They have to be soft and fluffy. Honestly, who wants to walk on cold floors this early in the morning?

We need a good pair of running shoes in the morning. More than one pair is needed to match our different training equipment. After the shower, we need dress shoes. We don’t want fluffy ones to get wet in the bathroom. Go into the bathroom after a man has entered and you will know what I mean …

Then it is time to get ready for work. Different types of days in the workplace require different shoes. You cannot wear the same shoes to a lunch meeting with the boss that you wear every other day. Plus, that new receptionist has so much flair at her Manolo’s that it’s very stressful to keep up. Just to make sure you know her plays, a woman (high maintenance or otherwise) needs at least a pair of Christian Louboutin, Giuseppe Zanotti, Marc Jacobs, Stella McCartney, Barbara Bui, Rupert Sanderson, Azzedine Alaïa, Celine and Givenchy.

After all, we need some sexy stilettos for those cocktails and a few pairs of fetish shoes for afterward. Finally, when we’re home alone and can take a break from “high maintenance,” we need a good supply of comfortable slip-ons, ugh boots, and satin slippers.