Shy guys are also good boyfriends.

Introduction

You look up from your book in the cafeteria and freeze with nervous anticipation when you see the hot guy you’ve fallen in love with from afar sit at the table across the room. He’s all alone today and what a great opportunity that would be to finally get close to him and introduce yourself. But the anxiety builds as you visualize yourself doing this and bury yourself back in your book. You feel your face burn as you berate yourself for not having the guts to come out. “He would never be interested in me!” “He would kill me if he rejected me!” “And if he showed any interest? What would I say? He’d think I was a total idiot and loser as soon as I opened my mouth!” These thoughts swirl through your mind as you look up to find that another guy has swung in for the kill and been invited to sit at the table with the object of your desire. Another missed opportunity!

If you’re a shy guy and don’t want to be, dating can be a frustrating and daunting experience. When you’re out and about, it seems so easy for other guys to approach and flirt with other men. Or if you’ve been hit on, you just want to kick yourself when you freeze up and don’t know what to say and feel like you’ve made a bad impression on him and scare him off.

This article will shed some light on the symptoms and psychology behind shyness and offer some suggestions for freeing yourself from the shackles that prevent you from experiencing a fulfilling dating and social life.

How is it for the shy boy

Shyness varies on a continuum from situational to dispositional. Some people tend to be socially inhibited only in certain types of environments or circumstances, while for other people this anxiety tends to be more of a personality trait that is a predominant way of life, manifesting itself in many different types of settings at all times. scopes. Shy guys tend to be more introverted, preferring more solitary activities to their extroverted counterparts, who like to recharge their batteries through social contact. Neither is better or worse than the other, although society tends to favor the more outgoing personality type and stigmatizes the quieter, more inward-looking individuals. The most important aspect here is whether or not negative consequences are experienced as a result of one’s particular inclinations.

Although there are exceptions, generally speaking, many shy guys tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations and don’t like being called attention to. This anxiety can translate into stumbling over words/stammering, becoming easily embarrassed, and showing many physical signs of being nervous. They tend to feel judged by others and are very sensitive to the opinions of others, wanting to avoid any kind of criticism or rejection. They may feel inhibited, self-conscious, have difficulty relaxing, and are very inward and self-centered in the sense that they are very preoccupied with their own thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions. They have difficulty meeting people, struggle to start and maintain conversations, fear group interactions, and may have difficulty speaking up for themselves and expressing their opinions and needs. Unfortunately, many people can misinterpret a shy guy’s behavior as cocky, cocky, arrogant, or aloof and cold when that’s not the case at all.

Shy guys often shine when they are in environments where they feel safe or are surrounded by people they know well. They also tend to perform well in structured situations where players interact in script-like roles where there is little need for spontaneity or purposeless blending. Positively speaking, shy people tend to be highly creative and have great imaginations that can lend themselves well to leadership and change relationships and situations. Their biggest culprit is the negative self-talk in their heads that minimizes their competence and value; if this obstacle could be removed, their quality of life would rise to a much higher level.

Why so shy?

Most psychology experts believe that shyness is a learned behavior or a reaction to a negative event that inhibits the person. For example, if you were raised in a family where you were made to feel “less than,” your shyness might have developed from a belief that you were only worth living if you lived up to certain expectations, so you became more inhibited and suffocated has a result. If you lived with others who were shy or emotionally identified with an attachment figure who was shy, you may have observed and modeled that behavior yourself and it became a part of you. Negative experiences or being the victim of trauma could also contribute to the development of shyness.

Growing up gay doesn’t help the shy guy much either. Living “in the closet” and trying to cope with being different in a homophobic society could have further inhibited you, amplifying the effects of shyness. Having been a shy guy, becoming more comfortable with my sexual identity and “coming out” greatly helped me come out of my shell and become more socially confident as I was finally able to be the “real me” and let go without the fear of scrutiny. . Where does your shyness come from? Try to understand the sources of your shyness by taking a closer look at your attitudes and past experiences.

Battle strategies to overcome shyness

Beating the beast of shyness is not a quick fix, so it’s important to go slow, pace yourself, and take small steps toward your goals. From my own personal experience and from my work as a therapist and coach with clients, the following are some practical coping tools to take some steps towards overcoming shyness for those men who don’t want to be held back any longer than realizing and living. her visions for realizing dating and social experiences.

* Be educated in anxiety management strategies. Learn relaxation techniques that will help you cope more effectively with nervousness so you don’t continue to succumb to the power of your physical reactions.

* Develop a contract with yourself or a close friend/family member that details an action plan for how you intend to overcome your shyness problem. Schedule times each week that take you out of your comfort zone and into social situations where you can practice becoming more confident and intelligent. Learn about systematic desensitization to help gradually expose yourself to anxiety-provoking situations.

* If jumping into a social scene is too overwhelming to begin with, start out more slowly by taking an acting class or joining a public speaking gathering like Toastmasters. These locations are excellent places to teach valuable social skills in a safe, structured environment that will give you the practice you need to become more confident. They are also great for building your confidence and self-esteem, and you can make some great new friends! When you’re ready, try the structured speed dating craze as a step into the dating world. For now, do not attach any inversions to the result. Use the less threatening parts of your world as your practice lab. Over time, you will develop a greater sense of mastery and comfort in your own skin.

* Learn active listening and communication skills that will help you have conversations with others. Be aware of his body language and how he carries himself as well. If necessary, plan ahead and make a list of topics that you can talk about at a gathering or social event, but don’t rehearse.

* Imagine how you would like to be and visualize it on a regular basis to rehearse and internalize this more socially sophisticated you. Role play with a trusted friend. Create a collage with images, words and symbols that represent the image of the “new you” and keep it posted in a place where you will see it every day to keep you focused and motivated where you are going.

* Get out of the self-absorption trap by transferring the focus to helping others. Channel the energies that reinforced your shyness into rewarding activities that will benefit others in some way. Paradoxically, you will also be helping yourself!

* Most importantly, challenge the negative thoughts that go through your head. These feed your insecurity and breed shyness. Learn about cognitive distortions and learn how to “respond” to self-defeating thoughts that sabotage you. Look at situations realistically and replace those toxic thoughts with more affirming ones that will allow you to look and act like the great guy you are.

* Read as many books and workbooks on shyness and social anxiety as you can. Enlist the help of a therapist or coach to go through them with you and help you generalize your learning to the places where it counts most.

Conclusion

Realize, shy guys, that the more you run away from and avoid situations that cause you anxiety, the more your shyness becomes stronger and more reinforced. The key is to stop giving away your personal power to others (in what you perceive of them thinking of you) and learn to be more assertive. Stand up for yourself, take charge of your life, and don’t stay home another Friday night just in front of the TV. Get out there and make your dreams come true! You have a lot to contribute and give, but you must first realize this and take proactive steps to bring your vision to life.

And a special note to all the singles out there, outgoing, outgoing, not shy…

Don’t be quick to write off a guy just because he’s a little quiet or reserved. Shy guys can very easily “get lost in the crowd” and be overlooked by the more colorful and sociable men who tend to command attention in social circles. Never underestimate the power and value of a shy guy. He is very creative, passionate, loyal and caring. Sometimes he may need a little more encouragement or reassurance, but he is loving and has your back and can add a lot of meaning to your life. So never turn a blind eye, because shy guys make good boyfriends too. And who knows, it might even become your life partner.