Sexual insults, intimidation and habitual harassment

Children must understand the importance of standing up for themselves. They should be given guidelines for dealing with negative behaviors, such as name-calling online and face-to-face. They need to understand how actions like making sexual comments and sharing sexual images, whether in person or online, can cause embarrassment and affect someone’s reputation.

Behaviors that may offend or annoy others include sexual insults. These can be verbal, written or communicated through gestures. The insults are particularly hurtful when a person knows that he belongs to a social group that is victimized in society, for example, women, homosexuals, ethnic minorities or lower social classes. The person making the insult often has a sense of superiority and confidence knowing that they have the general support of society.

Children should be taught when to confront bullies and when to ask adults for support. A bully is not a strong person. A stalker feels strong if he succeeds in victimizing someone who is more vulnerable than him. Teens need to be informed about the emotional impact and legal implications of different types of harassment and abuse in relationships.

Teenage girls especially can be very sensitive to comments made about their appearance. Men insist that women have sex for their own orgasm as if women had sexual urges like men. Many women of any age translate eroticism into dirty (disgusting or objectionable). This makes women feel ashamed of their sexual role in facilitating male orgasm. Women, in particular, need to understand the issues around saying “no” to sex or other unwanted intimacy. We all need to think about how we deal with rejection, shame, and the feeling of use. Girls can be just as hurtful as boys.

Women can travel alone today if they travel with other people. But as soon as a woman is alone with a man (in a taxi or on a boat, for example), she is likely to feel vulnerable. A man could easily threaten her (even passively leaving her in the middle of nowhere) to force her to hand over her valuables. Some people feel that women should never take the kinds of risks that are routine for men. But in civilized societies it is not correct to limit the freedom of an adult just because there are a few men who pose a danger to civilized society.

Women hope so-called civilized men will hold back. This attitude is evidence that women never experience a sex drive the way men do. Women don’t understand that the sex drive cannot be easily suppressed. Young women rely on the protection of society to mock men by behaving provocatively but never having to face the consequences. This is the equivalent of a gazelle leaping in front of a hungry lion with the full knowledge that the lion cannot reach it. It is hardly moral or correct. Any man who attempts a sexual advance is charged with sexual harassment. Women want the right to provoke but not to give birth. Women need to be educated about the male sex drive.

Sexual harassment, including stalking, is generally (but not always) perpetrated by men with women as victims. If men are victims of sexual abuse, they may be reluctant to receive help due to the shame of being a victim. Many women endure sexual harassment because they are ashamed to complain or because they do not know how to deal with conflict.

Male propaganda suggesting that everyone should love sex is an implicit intimidation tactic. There is no “should” about sexual pleasure. A person either enjoys sexual activity naturally (probably because he is easily aroused) or not. Pornography and erotic fiction give young women the impression that they are supposed to participate in activities such as oral sex and that they are to enjoy such activities. But these are activities that men enjoy and that men hope (in their fantasies) that women will perform for them.

There is an opinion that predominantly younger and less experienced women should be encouraged to talk about the orgasms they think they are experiencing. But these are just stories. Women must be educated to accept the acceptability of the reality of their sexuality. But women who have been told that their sexuality involves easy orgasms may not be willing to give up the emotional beliefs that make them feel more sexual than they really are.

Men dominate almost every aspect of heterosexual society. But men’s interest in sex means that their views are especially dominant in any discussion of sexuality. The only way a woman will be successful in such an environment is by reflecting male beliefs. The only feminine perspective that is promoted is one that involves women saying what men want to hear. There also has to be a place for the truth about women’s sexuality.

Ignoring what someone says is a form of intimidation. A person promotes his own point of view, which implies the invalidity of the other person until he gives up. Once the second person has been silenced, the first person claims victory. Thereafter, the first person concludes that he is right because no one objects. When someone tries to keep you happy or needs your support, they may agree with you just to please you. If someone is making money from you, they will agree to almost anything you say.

Your partner is not there to serve you, it is not their job to keep you sexually satisfied. They are together because they love each other and want to make themselves happy. Constantly teasing sex does the opposite. (Tracey Cox 1999)