Who is dating younger men and why? The Cougar Revolution

A third of single women between the ages of 40 and 60 are dating younger men, at least 8 years younger than them. As women have advanced financially and educationally, they are no longer “stuck” in the traditional roles they have stepped out of. With the advent of birth control and Madison Avenue advertising moguls putting sexuality in our faces to sell us some product or service, women are looking at other barriers that they can now address and break down; specifically: age.

If a woman at 24 thought a guy at 24 was hot, why wouldn’t she look at him the same way when she turned 40? Because women in the past tended to get carried away by the social mores of the time, she was shamed or “not allowed” to “go there” with her sexuality. They were expected to be loyal wives, great mothers, domestic engineers, and other socially acceptable roles. With rare exceptions, any sideways glance at a younger man who might have been her son was met with immediate dismissal and plenty of guilt. Certain movies came out to challenge these misconceptions: The Summer of ’42, The Graduate are just a couple. Flash forward to today with TV shows like Desperate Housewives and the fact that women feel so much freer and more liberated in expressing their sexiness, they stay in shape by eating right and exercising, they rejuvenate their bodies with liposuction and breast implants and oh my gosh …the men start to respond Now that she’s in a position to choose from the group of men licking her feet, who do you think she’ll choose?

The bloated, tired, beleaguered, beyond his best shlub or a hot-bodied younger man with “staying power”? She is in her sexual prime, she is no longer tied to crying babies and a man who stopped appreciating her a long time ago. A man she stood for, but he didn’t do it in return. She can still turn it on, but she wants to turn off the light to “do her duty” for her to him. Add to the mix the fact that if she was a beginner wife, when her husband hits his midlife crisis and trades her in for the same model, only with fewer years and fewer miles, she’s left out. Well not yet. What is good for the goose is good for the goose. Turning around is fair game. And all those other clichés that turn out to be true now apply in this case. As this movement to unbundle age between the sexes takes hold, it will eventually become as acceptable as older men dating younger women.

As the woman looks around at what is available on the market, she is quickly disappointed to realize that what is left out there regarding men her age and older are losers and mental retards, self-centered narcissists and men who present themselves as victims of their former wives; burdened with alimony, competing for the attention of the children they only see every other weekend, relegated to living in an apartment while the ex-wife takes care of the house and the new wife is lucky to receive any crumb emotional, physical , mental or psychological. What do these guys really have to offer? It’s no wonder women are looking to younger men as viable alternatives. There just isn’t much in the dating world that they want to meet in their own rank. So the women begin to reconsider their options. They go out with their girlfriends and catch the attention of the younger guys. At first this may seem strange and they may ignore it or think it’s cute. But as time goes on and they realize that men in their age range aren’t the charming princes they’d hope to meet, the younger guys are looking better and better.

It’s no secret that women of all ages want that oxytocin brain chemical rush they had as teenagers when they first fell in love. A younger man can provide them with that. With a younger man, a woman has the opportunity to reconnect with her sensual side and her sexuality. She doesn’t have to feel rushed toward orgasm (fake or otherwise) by an older man whose resistance has overcome him. And did I mention post intercourse hugs? What could be better than snuggling up to an appreciative younger man who adores her and doesn’t have a big fat belly? (Sorry if I sound cruel here, but I’m just reporting what I’ve heard from women I’ve spoken to on this topic.)

So, all you pups who adore confident women… rejoice. The woman you want to spend time with may take time to arrive, but give her time and be yourself with her. Many women are still finding their way with her and may not be sure if this is for them or not, and the experience she has with her “first” puppy will help tell the story.

(c) Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.