My husband’s constant criticism of me is negatively affecting my marriage: tips that could help

Sometimes I hear from wives who feel constantly criticized and reprimanded by their husbands. Many tell me that this behavior is almost constant and shows no signs of abating. A wife recently told me, in part: “My husband is constantly criticizing me. He complains about my weight, my looks, my intelligence, my upbringing, my family, how I handle my job, my sexual skills, and a host of others. Sometimes , he does it in a very passive-aggressive way. He won’t come out and call me stupid, lazy, or inappropriate, but he sure hints at it. He hardly ever compliments me or has something nice to say when I’m so worried. I’m so tired of this. It’s really affecting my marriage because I can hardly bear to be around him anymore and I always feel defensive because I always feel attacked. As a result, I never want to have sex with him. critical of our sex life. What can I do? “

I will share some of the tips and suggestions that I gave to this wife in the following article.

Don’t let the criticism go without an answer. Don’t ignore it, but acknowledge it in a thoughtful way: The wife had begun to ignore her husband’s comments or to say something just as cutting. The reason was that no matter what he did or did, the criticism never stopped. Because of this, she had simply given up and harbored resentment.

But, if you don’t face this problem, the criticism will only continue. And the wife often admitted that ignoring her husband made him more angry and even more critical. He wasn’t getting the answer he wanted, so he felt the need to intensify his attempts to piss her off.

I suggested that the next time the husband began his critical remarks, the wife could calmly say something like, “Listen, we have to talk about something. When you speak to me in this tone, it really hurts. It makes me feel bad about myself and makes me feel bad. it makes me feel defensive and bad about you. This does nothing to help us or improve what you are complaining about at the time. Can we talk about why you are attacking me in this way? you are not happy then I am certainly willing to discuss it with you “But I can’t just sit here and allow you to talk to me that way. I can’t let this continue to happen. I’ll always be willing to have a conversation about how we could both be happier in our marriage, but I can’t tolerate personal attacks.” I’m going to calm down for a bit, but after we’ve both calmed down, let’s talk about this. I think we’ll both get a better response if we focus on the positive rather than the negative. “

In my opinion and experience, trying to criticize it constructively is better than ignoring it and allowing it to continue. Nothing is resolved this way and resentment and anger build. It is always better to try to change something positive than to remain silent while still being unhappy or hurt. Now if criticism results in physical harm, then that’s a completely different story.

Try to determine the REAL source of your criticism. Why do you use negative comments to get their attention ?: Please understand that by asking you this question, I am in no way implying that any of this is your fault. It certainly isn’t. But it may be beneficial to dig a little deeper here. Because often, their nasty comments don’t directly reflect why they are criticizing you. In other words, sometimes comments have NOTHING to do with you.

Sometimes you keep repeating the same words, comments and behaviors because you are still trying to get some reaction or change that you have been able to achieve in any other way. Other times, your words have more to do with your own insecurities and unhappiness than they do with you. It is also possible that you have seen your family relate to each other in a similar way and that you are acting on the examples you have seen. Ultimately, many men react to stress by lashing out at those closest to them. I’m not saying it’s correct, but it’s common.

Whatever the reason, if you can see beyond your words and discover what you are really trying to achieve, you can sometimes change or even break the cycle. For example, some men in this situation will tell me that the only way they know of to make their wife angry and get her attention is to say something that stops her in her tracks. In his mind, he’s trying to get her to pay attention to him, but he doesn’t know how, so he will fall back on whatever it is that he knows works. This is not an excuse for their behavior, but it is sometimes part of their thought process.

This is why it can really help you determine why you feel the need to turn to the negative to get a reaction. That way you can try to change things so that comments are no longer needed. This doesn’t mean you have to tend to him when he’s being a jerk, but digging a little deeper will sometimes mean you no longer have to deal with this.

If you can, try to eventually use this as an opening to better communication rather than as a catalyst for the deterioration of your marriage: He was worried about this wife because it was clear that she was really at the end of her rope. She was ready to get out of the marriage because she was tired of constantly dealing with nasty attacks on her character. I hope that before you give up, you will at least try to address this very directly with your husband, try to see what is behind his behavior, and then try to rebuild your communication style into something much healthier.

Because responding to their negativity in the same way would only make things worse and make them feel more alienated from each other, which would likely make communications worse. By no means do I believe that someone should stay in a painful marriage, but I have seen many situations like this change with a little care, a little inquiry, and better communication.