My husband told me that he no longer wants to get married: tips and recommendations that can help

Few things are as hurtful and frustrating as when your husband tells you, in general, that he doesn’t want to be married anymore. I often get emails from wives who have just been in this situation and are frustrated, scared and confused. Often the husband does not give details that would help her respond or formulate a plan. Out of the blue, she’ll say something like, “I just don’t want to be married anymore. I’m not happy and I just want a fresh start.” Well, where does that leave you?

I know things seem hopeless right now, but it’s important to understand that you have no idea what tomorrow will bring. You know that at this particular moment in time, he is not satisfied with the marriage. That’s clear. But don’t give up before you’ve started fighting for your marriage if you want to save it. Not wanting to get married doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t love you anymore or that you can’t reconnect. It often takes patience, a unique plan, and determination, but I am living proof that it can be done.

Why Men Often Decide They Don’t Want To Be Married Anymore:Like I said, I get a lot of women on my site. But sometimes I have some men who actually ask me for advice on how to end their marriages, how to break the news to their wives, or how to get their wives to agree to a divorce. I often talk to these guys about the nitty-gritty of the situation and what lies beneath their desire to get out. Obviously I’m not your wife, so you have no reason to lie to me or sugarcoat things.

What I am often told is that the marriage has deteriorated to a point where it doesn’t look or feel like it used to. Where once it felt comfortable, nurturing, and fun, the words used to describe it now are “suffocating, restricting, and depressing.”

But, this is what is interesting. Very few of them even mention her wife or her feelings for her in these descriptions. They rarely say “I’m not in love with my wife anymore” or “I don’t find her attractive anymore.” This is what most wives assume to be true, but I find that is not the reality. Most of the time, what really happens is that the marriage now feels pretty unfulfilling, but her feelings towards you are often different. They feel trapped. They feel unappreciated. They feel that they somehow exist next to you, but unfortunately they are not connected to you.

And what it really comes down to about 98% of the time is they think it’s not going to change. They are at a point where they feel that everything has been tried, that everything has been said, that they have given their best, but in the end it has not been enough. This is the most important thing you need to understand because it is the only thing you have to overcome. You have to change this core belief and show them that things can, in fact, change for the better.

Slowly changing your perception: I know when you read this, you’re going to think this is an oversimplification, but it’s the truth as I know it to be. If you want to save her marriage, you must change your perception of him, first and foremost. I have seen seemingly dead marriages saved because the wife was able to change her husband’s perception of being married from negative to positive. Yes, this sounds very simple, but in truth it is extremely multifaceted and many small victories must be won until you are successful with this.

However, most people make this process more complicated than it needs to be. They will harass their husbands as to the exact reason why they do not want to get married. They will question any reason you give, beg the husband to “work” on things, declare the husband wrong, and do many other things that will only create more negative perceptions.

These actions will very often only do more damage to your marriage. Don’t give yourself more things to overcome. Don’t do extra work for yourself. Reduce this to the simplest step you can and just focus on that. Right now, that should be to change her husband’s perception of marriage.

This can take time. But, take things little by little. You can start by making a list of what her husband loved about you. Then brainstorm ways you used to have fun together. Because I can guarantee that the adjectives you have on your list – things like “fun loving, sense of humor, easy going” etc. they are not the things he would use to describe you now. Think about the things that used to define your marriage, like “intimate, loving, fun, satisfying,” etc. and ask yourself what words describe your marriage now. I can tell you the words that most husbands say to me: “suffocating, stressful, combative.” You must change this.

Go back to your list and brainstorm ways to come back and display the most important qualities. These are the things you will use to get your attention back on track. Now, I know you’re thinking “well, isn’t it too late? He already wants out. He’ll probably go.” He may and he may not. But, chances are he’s not going to fall off the face of the earth. You’ll still need to see it and interact with it, and when you do, you need to make each one count. You need to use the qualities that you already know he loves about you. This does not include participating, begging, or arguing.

Once you do this, he will eventually become more accepting of you. Once that happens, then focus on creating positive experiences together so that you both have fun and want to repeat the process. Little by little, over time, he begins to see that being married to you is no longer a negative state. It is one that puts a smile on his face and one in which he can have fun and feel fulfilled.

Always go slow. Never push or make demands. Don’t make this process too difficult or strenuous for either of you. You want to be calm, fun and positive. I know it’s a lot to ask when your marriage is in jeopardy. But, it’s really the best way to change his perceptions so that with you he’s somewhere he wants to stay.