I am afraid that my husband will leave me: tips and advice that can help

I recently received a rather heartbreaking email from a wife who felt that in the next few days her husband was going to leave her. The two just didn’t get along due in part to the stress of their financial situation. They were both desperate, but the wife was willing to put up with it and work on the marriage, and her husband was not. He had been alluding to packing up and leaving. She suspected that he would immediately file for divorce shortly after that.

The wife was beside herself. She stressed that she “couldn’t live without” her husband and she didn’t know how she could survive without her love and support. She was trying to come up with a plan to convince him to stay. But she was meeting a lot of resistance. She had tried to reason with him. She had tried to debate. She had tasted guilt. And, recently, he watched her begging. Basically, she told me that she was willing to “do whatever it takes” to keep him from walking out the door.

She wanted my advice on what might work best to convince him not to leave her. I will tell you what I told him in the next article.

Even if you are afraid that he will leave you, don’t let fear take you: I have to get this out of the way and just say it. Fear is not a trait that is generally perceived as attractive. The truth was, this wife had already put her cards on the table numerous times. She had made it very clear that she didn’t want to live without her husband and she wasn’t sure she could. So, she went on to tell him that this was no more likely to get him home than the numerous previous attempts of hers.

I honestly felt that the desperation and fear on his sleeve only made his situation worse. I talk to so many men in this situation and they almost always tell me that this type of behavior just wants them to go away that much faster.

When I told the wife this, she responded, “Well do you think I should play tough then and tell him to go away if that’s what he wants to do? Because I’m not sure I can pull it off because leaving is my worst case scenario.” No, actually that was not what she was suggesting. Because this strategy will also provoke the negative emotions and reactions that you want to avoid.

Instead, you want to focus on the things that will bring you some relief and some positive emotions. You have to set him up to draw him towards you rather than push him away with tactics that will only make him want to run away from the situation.

It is better to appear rational and be in control: I know this can be difficult, but the best thing you can do is switch tactics and try to be rational and non-threatening so that he no longer needs to continue to avoid or frustrate you. And I felt that the wife needed to make the first move to give her husband a glimpse of her new tactic. Yes, she was going to talk about him leaving her. But she was going to do it in a new way.

He wanted her to sit quietly and tell him that she suspected he was considering leaving. She would then ask if there was anything she could do to improve the situation. I also suspected quite strongly that the husband was going to continue to resist and claim that it was too late and there was nothing she could do.

However, instead of responding like he always did, he wanted her to show some restraint. And instead of starting her speech about how she couldn’t live without him and how bad it was that he was leaving, she wanted her to simply say that even though she was very sorry to hear that, she just wanted things to get better between now and her. they. If she needed some time and space for that to happen, so be it. She must not get angry or despair. He just wanted her to state the facts and appear empathetic.

Basically, he wanted her to make it clear that she just wanted them both to be happy, preferably together. He wanted her to leave the impression that she was no longer going to fight him. Yes, this could be scary and risky. But the reason we do this is because it allows us to have more access to them (which we badly need) during this process.

And in the days to come, we’re going to move slowly and use this to our full advantage. The real goal is not to try to talk him into something he’s not receptive to right now. The real goal should be to change his perceptions so that he looks at you and the marriage in a completely different way at the end of this process. You should show him your strong, rational, and relaxed side instead of the needy and desperate side right now.