How to overcome your fears of intimacy

Let me share a secret with you: Everyone is afraid of intimacy! Some may be more adept at hiding their fear, but the truth is that they still experience it. Let’s take a look at what we can do about it so that we can enjoy better intimacy in our lives.

Why are we afraid?

In general, fear is a physical sensation that makes us aware of potential danger with the intention of keeping us safe. In intimacy we open up, expose our interior and share ourselves. This makes us extremely vulnerable and exposed to possible anguish and pain. Many will have experienced these pains and have past references that they carry with them every day. Fear is saying, ‘Be careful not to open up too much, you might hurt yourself like before!’

There is no way to avoid it

The truth is: there is no way around it. To experience the joy of intimate connection, fall in love with someone, and live happily ever after (if there is such a thing), we need to conquer this fear. it’s the door. What holds us back is that when we approach the door, we still can’t see what’s on the other side, and because we’re not sure, our fear makes us believe that we shouldn’t even try.

become a nun

One of my clients recently expressed this fear. His strategy was to create a life that was very comfortable and enjoyed many things as a single woman. And yet he came to see me because he knew he had to face the fear of meeting new potential intimate candidates. I asked him: ‘You have the choice to live your life as you are now or take a step into the unknown. You still haven’t convinced me that you prefer to become a nun…

Not ‘get over it’ but ‘get over it’

There is no easy recipe or step-by-step guide to overcoming the fear of intimacy. The only way is through him. Start by giving yourself an achievable goal, like meeting one new person a week. For now, you may want to practice meeting people and striking up a conversation, whether they are men or women.

Another option is to sign up for an internet dating site. This allows you to practice connecting, flirting over email or on the phone, before you meet in reality. Allow yourself time and options that are practice fields instead of putting all your expectations on Mr. or Miss soulmate.

Another resource for reminding yourself is that you are working toward the end result: an intimate relationship. Keep this in mind, you will remember those first moments fondly.