How do we know that the female orgasm is rare?

We can be sure that orgasm is primarily a male phenomenon in humans because the female orgasm has always been a mystery. Even in the 1950s, when Kinsey did his research, he commented that many couples had no idea that a woman could experience an orgasm. It was immediately assumed that women should orgasm through intercourse despite the fact that female orgasm was found to be associated with masturbation.

The clitoris had barely been heard of before Kinsey and it hasn’t fared much better since. This reflects the difficulty most people have in visualizing sexual activity that does not involve penetration of the penis into the vagina. The biological facts that typically define the sex education some of us have had help reinforce this definition of sex (and therefore orgasm) as an activity that can be explained in terms of human reproductive biology.

The confusion about the anatomy involved in the female orgasm arises for two reasons. Since women are not aroused by a lover, they do not respond to specific genital stimulation. Therefore, men are free to focus on providing a variety of general stimulation (eg, to the breasts) that helps with their own arousal. Men’s sexual desire ensures that the vagina is always stimulated, so everyone assumes that the vagina must be a sexual organ. Second, because men masturbate to orgasm, women are supposed to do the same. Most women don’t appreciate that orgasm is dependent on mental arousal. They stimulate themselves in various ways, but not to orgasm. This ignorance is perpetuated in porn.

A receptive woman knows that there is something terribly wrong with the way society portrays female sexuality because she experiences orgasm from masturbation. The female orgasm is a unique gift of nature, but it often feels more like a curse due to society’s ignorance of how it is achieved. Non-responsive women are flattered by men’s fantasies about their sexuality, so they have no incentive to question these emotional beliefs.

A woman masturbates by massaging the internal organ of the clitoris, with her fingers in front and her pelvic muscles behind. During her intercourse, a penis pushes into her vagina (an insensitive organ) while the man’s groin crushes her labia and her vulva. Women never comment on these differences. If women were familiar with orgasm, they would be motivated to understand why intercourse does nothing for them. They would know that the clitoris is the female sexual organ and the source of a woman’s orgasm.

A person knows when they have had an orgasm. Women’s uncertainty about whether they have had an orgasm is evidence that they have never had one. If the female orgasm were common, there would be a significant number of women in the general population able to provide explicit accounts of how they orgasmed in response to erotic stimuli. This is not the case.

Men enjoy exploring a lover’s body. Homosexual men talk about sweaty odors, nutty semen taste, glistening glans, dripping pre-cum, silky penile skin, and hairy testicle skin. Instead of exploring a lover’s body, women talk about what a lover is doing to them. Women enjoy a man’s voice, his caress and what they interpret as his passion. These are sensual pleasures, not erotic stimuli. Most women insist that lovemaking is superior to self-stimulation because they never realize that masturbation is all about achieving mental arousal through the use of fantasy.

The reason we don’t know how women get aroused is because women themselves don’t know. Unless a woman masturbates to orgasm, she has no way of knowing. Female arousal does not happen spontaneously or with a lover. It has to be consciously generated. Very few women figure out how to do this because it requires a minimal level of responsiveness.

In any survey or even in everyday life there are many women who are happy to admit that they have never had an orgasm. Other women clearly assume that they are supposed to orgasm through intercourse, as well as all the so-called orgasm techniques suggested by erotic fiction. But they have no interest in discussing sexual pleasure techniques or erotic arousals.

It is the rarity of the female orgasm that generates male interest. If the female orgasm were common, it would not be a specialized topic. The male orgasm occurs reliably. Nobody disputes it and it is not a feminine arousal. If the female orgasm were that reliable, there would be a similar lack of interest in it. The word orgasm is taboo. When mentioned, the men giggle, but the women are silent. We know that women do not orgasm with a lover because of the political and emotional pressure that is exerted to insist that they do.

Many women are shocked by the idea of ​​fantasies. It is only a receptive person who appreciates that arousals are required for orgasm. Few women discover masturbation, so mothers object to girls being told that touching the clitoris can be pleasurable. Women associate the clitoris with lesbians or pornography more than with their own arousal and orgasm. Most women enjoy the romance and emotional aspects of relationships. Few women enjoy fantasizing because they lack the responsiveness that arousal causes.

Also due to its small size and the limited protrusion of the clitoris, many males do not understand that it can be as important a center of stimulation for females as the penis is for males. (Alfredo Kinsey 1953)