How can I help my spouse get over his insecurity after my affair?

Sometimes I hear from people who are sincerely sorry for their infidelity and who really want to save their marriage. But sometimes they believe that they may not succeed because of the damage that the infidelity has done to their spouse or to her marriage. A common complaint of this type is excessive insecurity on the part of the faithful spouse.

I heard a wife say, “I know the damage to my marriage and my husband is my fault because I had an affair. I know I have a responsibility to make it up to him and I really want to.” that. But it seems as if she could never win. He is so insecure despite my assurances that he has become a major problem between us. If I try to be loving to him, he will always make a comment that hints that my love may not be true because I cheated. If I tell him that he looks good, he’ll say something sarcastic. I can’t even look at another man without him suspecting or thinking that I’m looking at the other man. I’m not. . I love my husband and I want to stay married to him. But his insecurity isn’t attractive and I hate always feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. What can I do with his insecurity that never seems to end? Because I don’t think we’re going to make it if he continues to act this way.”

Believe it or not, even though I am a wife who was cheated on, I understand what this woman was saying. I have witnessed this situation at its extremes and I fully admit that it can become a real problem. But believe me when I say that a faithful spouse doesn’t like to feel so much doubt and worry that he becomes insecure. They probably hate feeling the way they do. And they need your help to turn the corner. I’ll offer some tips on how to do this below.

Understand how you respond can help or hurt the situation:

I understand that this situation can be frustrating. But it’s very important to understand that how you handle this can help alleviate or reinforce your insecurity. If you get angry with them or belittle their concerns, chances are they’ll again think you’re pulling away from them and feel even more insecure as a result. The best way to handle this is to stop what you are doing, take his hand, look him square in the eye, and tell him that you are sincere in everything he says and that in time, his actions will show it. to them

Understand that they are entitled to doubt, but your consistent actions over time are important:

It’s very important to make it clear that you accept some responsibility for their insecurity. They wouldn’t be acting this way if you had never been unfaithful. Therefore, it is important that this comes through both in your words and in your actions.

That being said, regaining your trust will take time. And that’s what it’s all about: trust. They are insecure because they trusted you once and it was a mistake to do so. So their insecurity is a way to keep their guard up so they don’t get hurt again. But believe me when I tell you that they want you to chip away at these protective walls. They want to feel safe again. But until trust is restored, they just don’t feel comfortable doing it. They worry that trusting you again will mean more pain for them. So they’re watching you very closely. You often see this as suspicion, but part of it is that they’re actually hoping to see something positive that indicates they can let their guard down a bit.

Make them justified in trusting you again:

It’s your job to make sure it’s safe for them to let their guard down. You can’t ask them to stop being insecure when you’re giving them legitimate reasons to. Make sure you mean every word you say and follow through on every statement you make. Because even small falsehoods only reinforce your insecurity.

Over time, if they see that you have kept all your promises and that your actions are in line with your words, then you should start to see the insecurity fade away. It is very normal for the faithful spouse to have problems with his self-esteem. It is very important that he supports you in all aspects when it comes to rebuilding his self-esteem. Because when they do, your life will be so much easier, and your marriage will probably improve, too.

Always remember that your spouse didn’t think of any of this and is probably doing the best he can. Approach them in a way that shows you want to reassure and help them, not argue with them or tell them why they’re wrong.