Emotional proximity

Why is it that with some people we can let our guard down and feel totally comfortable, yet with others the steel walls just won’t crack? With some we can eat from the same plate and drink from the same drink, and others we keep at a distance.

It’s a common fact that North Americans need three feet of space between them when conversing, yet South Americans (or those from warmer climates) require only a few inches of personal space. What defines our proximity comfort level?

The act of falling in love is also an act of letting our guard down, allowing the other person to enter our mind and heart and then our whole life, until there is no division, often remembered as one soul and two bodies.

Have you ever wondered why in anger we have to shout and in love we only need to whisper, even if the physical proximity is the same? So what is the difference? LOVE and an open heart!

Our physical and, more importantly, emotional closeness is often determined by how willing and open we are to listen and understand the other; to care and share with others. For example, walking into a room full of ten people can be overwhelming if you don’t know them. But if they were all friends, relatives, or siblings, even ten might seem like a small number.

Needing “space” is more about needing mental space, if not a meeting of minds. When you feel safe, accepted, and loved, you don’t need to put up fences. Most of our defense is self defense. In our vulnerability, we are not sure how we will be accepted and therefore we “protect” ourselves by staying aloof, disengaged, being polite and quiet, etc.

Ultimately, how close we feel to someone will be related to how close I feel to myself. We deny ourselves the right to participate due to many of our own emotions (fears, sensitivity and pain). If I am sure of my truth, then I don’t need to struggle and I can give freely from my heart. If my heart is full, then I can let go of the fear that someone might hurt me. In reality, it is my own reactions to the behavior of others that cause me pain. If I come from a place of ‘giving’ then I will be too busy to ‘take’ the pain of any situation. Therefore, there are no defenses necessary.

To create a global family, we need to open our hearts and minds, embrace everyone. Be less critical and more tolerant. If we are going to create a world where there are no barriers, we must first make friends with ourselves and then do what comes naturally… BE love and GIVE love.

It’s time… to recognize that the walls I’ve built around myself only serve to isolate me, not protect me. Letting go of them can open me up to a whole new world of possibilities.