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Here are three questions men often ask when going through divorce proceedings:

  1. How do I choose a divorce lawyer? First, a few things not to do: Don’t choose the attorney with the biggest ad in the yellow pages. Don’t choose the lawyer you see on TV all the time. Don’t choose the lawyer with the top listing on Google and who has the most positive reviews on their website. All of these things are made and paid for, you will have no way of knowing if any of it is true or not. Ask: There are plenty of people who have recently been divorced (yes, you can ask women too). Find multiple referrals and if the people making the referrals don’t live in their cars because they lost everything in the divorce (unless they’re recommending your spouse’s attorney), add that attorney to your list. Try to get a list of 3-5 names and start researching and interviewing them. This is the time to go to Google and find out what they’ve been up to and then set up an interview (initial enquiry).
  2. Am I better off with a male or female attorney? It depends, some lawyers are great. Just make sure you work well together, whether you’re a man or a woman, and that your goals in the divorce are compatible with those of your attorney. Oddly enough, both male and female lawyers can have a social bias against men in divorce. While most attorneys are professionals, you need to understand their philosophy in order to know how to work with them.
  3. Can’t we work things out with your lawyer? It’s nice to be able to work things out with your spouse, work things out will save you a lot of money. But, I’ll make this very simple; his lawyer has the task of representing his interests. Some deal may sound good to you, but it may actually be very bad for you. You may want her to pay you her share of the home equity and then take over the payments so you agree to give up the claim. This sounds reasonable, but it is necessary to understand the trap hidden there. And so it is with the entire spectrum of agreements it could enter into.

So there are three important questions for you as you begin to handle your divorce. I leave you with one last warning; learn about the process yourself. Don’t trust your lawyer with everything: Remember that this divorce, both now and after it’s over, means more to you than it does to anyone else—particularly to anyone who’s as busy as most lawyers. So learn the divorce process and handle your case wisely.

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