Are arranged marriages better for society?

On September 29, a talk show about arranged marriages was presented. For whatever reason, it generated controversy. A couple of the men and most of the women were upset that they were forced to marry someone they didn’t love. However, more than 50% of marriages fail. That means that although most couples marry in the name of love, the fairy tale ends with a divorce. If so many divorcees married for love and most divorce, what happened? Is love enough?

Weddings have been organized for thousands of years. It is a recent phenomenon that most people choose their own spouse. With an arranged marriage, you have the benefit of your parents and grandparents shopping for your spouse. They have been looking at specific families looking for compatibility. They would look at family values, attitudes of parents and children, socioeconomic class, ability to manage money, assets, etc. At the very least, they would marry their offspring to someone of an equal socioeconomic class. At best, you can get married. To do that, children would have to be prepared to marry, understand their role, and defend the family name.

Today you are alone. On top of that, people are taught to be tough and independent. And the idea of ​​compatibility has been replaced by love and romance. At the same time, women initiate 70% of divorces. Does that mean women don’t care about love? Does it mean that women do not value men? Or do men ignore the needs of women?

In the gay community, 20% of marriages between men end in divorce. As for lesbian marriages, 45% end in divorce. It seems like women are having a hard time getting along with someone. In fact, the complaints in lesbian marriages are the same as heterosexual ones. It seems that women are more likely to have unrealistic expectations of their partner or their ideas about how marriage works.

That said, people may not be ready for marriage. Marriage is a binding legal contract between two people. Its origins have more to do with the protection of generational heritage. It ensures that the assets that the couple acquired are protected and transmitted to the offspring.

Instead of getting married as a couple, there are many who have fallen into the trap of Hollywood love. That means a lot of fun, excitement, and surprise gifts. Fun becomes the priority over building a legacy. When the excitement wears off, the supposed chemistry wears off. That is often the path to divorce. Or infidelity becomes a substitute. When fun and excitement are the priority, you discover that the brain secretes dopamine from fun stimuli. When the person is no longer receiving high doses of dopamine, they will look elsewhere for it. Actually, that’s like being married to a drug addict. They cannot function without your euphoria. Going to the gym is a much better way to get a dopamine rush.

On my talk show, we discussed how America got into this state of dysfunctional marriages. For the most part, it began with a book written in 1819 by John Keats. The book is called, The beautiful graceless lady. It was one of the first romance novels. Initially, the book had little or no impact on American culture. However, in the 1850s, women began to crave the romance they read about in Keat’s novel. If you think about it, it may have been one of the most damaging blows to the institution of marriage. That book shaped how other romance novels were written. And he’s responsible for Hollywood love affairs. People have forgotten the intention of marriage. At one point, compatibility based on family values ​​surpassed love and fun. Furthermore, over time, the couple in an arranged marriage would become dependent on each other and an affinity would form. Keat’s book derailed the old social structure and put society on the path of choosing a spouse based on feelings.

Also, during the 1920s, the diamond company DeBeers created a catchphrase: diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Before the 1920s, only rich men bought diamonds for their wives. After the DeBeers campaign, all women expected diamonds. And they want a diamond that is bigger than their friend or sister’s.

What’s more interesting is the idea of ​​a man placing a diamond on a woman’s finger dates back to ancient Greece. The Greeks considered gemstones to have spiritual powers. Diamonds were known as the strongest stone. As a result, it symbolized protection. When a man left home for long periods, he would place a diamond on his wife’s finger to protect her while he was away.

The third aspect of society that has damaged marriage is the feminist movement. They convinced women that marriage is an institution where men completely dominate women. Men force women to take their surname. So he influences your belief system and changes it completely. It also keeps her barefoot and pregnant. That mindset causes women to marry defensive and protective feelings. The marriage is doomed before it begins. Except even lesbian marriages are failing. So it’s not about men. So what is missing?

In the past, parents and grandparents were involved in selecting a spouse. While there were forced arrangements, there were many marriages that were created with the best interests of the children in mind. Parents want the best for their children. They prefer to see their child in a healthy union, rather than one full of conflict. Through their experience, they can get a better idea of ​​what is compatible with their child. That is not based so much on the personality of the child. It is based on values. When you add grandparents to the equation, it is easier to match their offspring.

Compatibility and values ​​are clearly demonstrated in the book, The millionaire mindby Thomas Stanley. In his book, he writes about many millionaire couples that he interviewed. He said they experience significantly fewer divorces than couples from lower socioeconomic classes. He said it wasn’t money or image that held them together. He found that they were better at finding a match that was compatible based on values. In fact, many of the millionaire couples didn’t have much money when they first met. In other cases, the husband lost everything and the wife had to work. In some cases, they were successful and were later left homeless. However, they never parted. The wife stayed with the husband even when they had to sleep outside the car. At some point, the effort of their team allowed them to achieve success.

I say to say that marriage is based on compatibility, not feelings or the rush of dopamine. When it comes to an arranged marriage, the two families thoroughly explore other families to make sure the spouses and families are compatible. They may even have businesses that complement each other, like owning a cattle ranch. The other owns a leather manufacturing business.

In today’s dating scene, when a man and a woman are getting to know each other, a man can tell the woman whatever she wants to hear. When your parents and grandparents look for a spouse, they are interviewing the man and the family. It is a serious process. Therefore, it will be much more difficult for a man to be a player, especially with the father and grandfather involved. They may want to know if the man can run the family business. Do you have the qualities of caring and responsibility to care for your daughter and grandchildren? They are likely to ask questions and get answers. That means the games are eliminated entirely, which is a source of frustration for both men and women today. When a woman seeks out a man on her own, she can get carried away by deception and dopamine. On the contrary, the beauty and body of a woman can blind a man. When, in fact, she only cares about her resources. And she has no intention of being a good doting partner for the man. In fact, it can even deny you access to your body by not having sex. There are many sexless marriages.

On a side note, many of you may scream that you don’t want to marry someone you don’t love. On my talk show, I talked about a reality TV show called The beauty and the geek. The show brought together 10 geeky men with 10 attractive women. Geeks proclaimed that these are women they would never have the guts to approach in real life. The women also stated that these are not the type of men they would be interested in. Throughout the show, men and women teamed up to perform certain tasks together. As the program progressed, they rotated as a team with a different person. At the end of the show, it was amazing to see the shared affinity between them. The show was a social experiment that showed that even people couldn’t create affinity. They simply need a bridge to join them.

In short, arranged marriages could significantly reduce divorce in the US If you tap into the wisdom of your parents and grandparents or aunts and uncles, you are more likely to choose or be matched with a partner based on compatibility. Since feelings are fleeting, love can come and go. However, compatible values ​​can be a stabilizing force.

Also, since parents want their children to marry the best person, it would be wise to educate and prepare them for their role as spouses. First, that will make them more attractive candidates. Second, they don’t have to play trial and error at everything. That gives the marriage a better chance of success.

When the marriage is arranged, both sides of the family are actively involved in the success of the couple. Because the entire family has a vested interest in the marriage, they serve as a support structure when the couple goes through a rough patch.

Ultimately, successful unions would benefit society as a whole. The more successful the marriages, the more people expect to participate in a union of some kind. Even American companies will benefit. Conceived. On any given day, roughly 50% of the workforce heads for divorce, in the middle of one or just getting out of one. That affects labor productivity. Most are distraught when facing divorce. If you remove divorce from society, you create a happier and more productive workforce. Everyone wins.

What you think? I’d love to hear your comments. And I am open to ideas. Or if you want to write to me about a specific topic, connect through my blog www.turnaroundip.blogspot.com.