Age differences in dating

Dr. Romance receives a lot of letters about older women dating younger men, which seems to shock some people, but I don’t find it that unusual.

Why would a younger man want to date an older woman? Who is not attracted to success, intelligence and experience? Young men can find this just as attractive in an older woman as in anyone else. Perhaps you enjoy mentoring, perhaps just the emotional stability of an older woman who knows your mind and heart. These relationships can last; It is not age that makes the difference, but how well the couple builds trust, partnership and a life together.

Socially, a kind of role reversal is taking place, women are more powerful and may want younger men and therefore more flexible – men who can handle it if the career and lifestyle of the woman are more important . Movies and TV shows also show women that dating doesn’t have to be older. Women who have high-level careers or a well-developed self-image and want freedom and flexibility are exercising more options. Women who have divorced and are established single mothers may enjoy having a playmate, someone to have fun with, who does not try to control her.

In my counseling office, I have seen many successful relationships with this type of older woman / younger man scenario. The media focuses on the age difference, but what really makes or breaks the relationship is how well the couple can form a working partnership or team.

Age difference is a concern of adolescents: When you are a teenager, an age difference of even two or three years makes a big difference in your experience and in your outlook on life. Such a difference can interfere with communication, life goals, perspective, and relationship experience. In addition, for young people, the social reaction to this relationship is usually very negative. If one of the members of the couple is a minor, the sexual relationship is even against the law.

But, as you get older, life experience and emotional growth help match your relationship skills and resources. A difference of ten years or more in their ages makes little difference in how well your relationship can run.

Don’t focus on an arbitrary numerical difference in their ages. If you get along, have good communication and problem solving, and love each other, that’s precious and far more important than any age difference could be. If other people have a problem with it, let it be their problem.

Whether a relationship is healthy or not is not determined by age differences, but by the interaction between partners. A difference of ten years is not too difficult to overcome, but differences in age of twenty years or more can create some difficulties as the couple ages. For example, the younger couple may mature and reconsider their choices, or an older couple may face aging issues much earlier. But, as long as both parties are adults and the couple has talked about their age difference and future possibilities, I don’t make judgments about their respective ages.

The reasons why some people choose to date people much younger (or older) than they are are myriad, often dating back to childhood. There are healthy and unhealthy reasons to date someone of a different generation. An inappropriate motivation for dating a younger person is the older person’s fear of getting old. A younger couple will not reverse the aging process or protect you from old age. Obviously, a man or woman dating someone as young as their children will encounter some social opposition, but the differences that can cause the biggest problems within the relationship are the different levels of maturity.

Most of us are used to older men dating younger women, but as more and more women choose younger partners for their relationships, the question arises: Are women in their 30s and 40s likely to have success with couples who are 10-15 years younger? than themselves?

Success in these relationships depends on what the motivations of both people are. Some older people feel younger at heart than their contemporaries and like to hang out with people who are just as active as they are. Chronological age does not always reflect either physical ability or emotional maturity. Sometimes an age difference is a mentoring relationship: the older person advises the younger on life or career. This can backfire if the younger person decides they have learned enough and wants to move on.

If you ask, “Is it okay for me to have a partner much older or younger than me?” You will do better if you forget your ages and focus on whether the relationship works for both of you or not. What really makes a romantic relationship successful is the emotional connection, rather than the outward appearance. Men are more visually focused. A woman who connects with a much younger man can be powerful in her career and find someone to play with. It is difficult to know without knowing the couple.