4 steps to help you be heard when you lack self-esteem

You whisper a suggestion and the person next to you repeats what you’ve said to loud applause. You want to scream and say “that was my idea” but your throat is dry, you feel clammy and sweaty and you just want the moment to end. His heart is beating so fast he’s sure it shows. At least the focus is off of you for now, but suddenly it’s your turn to offer something, to say something and you can’t. You are frozen with fear. The business is moving forward and you want to say something, say anything so that your superiors know that you have something to contribute. The stress response has three options for you, fight or flight, that we are familiar with and then the third, freeze. You can’t move. It is as if you have disconnected from your body.

You’re sick and tired of seeing the lesser-skilled rise above you, people you’ve even trained! Why doesn’t anyone notice you and sing your praises? You do all the work and you do it well but it goes unnoticed. You have fallen into the routine of being dependent, you never say no to extra work, but when favors are distributed, no one notices your existence.

Was it always like this, you ask? You used to have ambition and drive, but you’re stuck. Your bosses are getting younger and they see you more as a relic of a bygone time, no longer interested in the details you pride yourself on.

You feel sick, you may have IBS or other stomach-related anxiety. Every day is heartbreaking as you try to find a way to get noticed for the right reasons. You’re competent when you’re left to work alone, but as soon as someone in authority is around, you freeze up, just like you used to at school.

Because?

Because your mind associates authority and your “superiors” as somehow having power over you and you become the “little girl”. This is who is reacting in any situation where the focus is on you. She wants attention but she doesn’t want it and her mind conflicts. You feel worthy of attention while that inner critic seeks to silence you. How many times have you told yourself, nobody is interested in what I have to say, what would I know, they will laugh at me.

Communication has very little to do with the words that are spoken. It’s the tone and your body language. This is why bullying allegations are very difficult to prove, he said/she said words are anemic on paper.

Whispering will not get you noticed, you have to learn to speak in such a way that others will listen. They listen to you. But you have to believe in yourself before others and believe in yourself.

Who is someone who is always listened to? Do they whisper and cringe or take up the space they do without hesitating or apologizing for being around?

You can use them as a model, a way to understand the relationship between confidence and body language. Improve one, improve the other. Let’s start with these 4 steps. Stand in front of your mirror to notice like a before and after image. Look how you’re standing and your expression, it’s not funny for you, I bet. Now walk away and do the following:

4 steps to learn to speak:

1. Lower your voice. That’s right, tone it down. Little girls are sharp and so are women and men who lack confidence. Practice it in a store buying a coffee, practice at home.

2. Play your favorite song in your mind. This must be a song from when you felt alive and confident, an anthem from your teenage years. Singing activates both parts of the brain, the left (logical) for words and the right for melody. Immediately relax your body to prevent your shoulders from rolling forward to try to disappear. Singing will encourage you to open your chest.

3. Learn to say “no.” Whether or not you have the time and energy, just start saying no. Don’t add an excuse. Just say no. Practice this in the mirror, in a lower timbre and loosen your body to your favorite song, and say, no. Imagine the person who dominates you the most, the person you carry and say no. Laugh at yourself for the feeling of power this gives you. You are not a little girl/boy but an adult.

4. Whose confidence do you admire? It could be someone you know, an actor, or a character in a story or movie. Look at them in your mind’s eye, what do you admire? Immerse yourself in their bodies, like trying on clothes, and see how it feels.

Now go back to your mirror, what are the differences you can see? I bet your face is more relaxed and your body more at ease!

These are small steps that you can adapt and use right away. It is important to clarify the past and choose a mode of therapy that suits you best. Hypnotherapy and NLP are ideal modalities to raise self-esteem since they go to the center of your inner self, your subconscious mind and to heal your inner self that never learned to speak because you thought that what you had to say was not worth it. to be heard.

You don’t need to be defined by your past. Let these 4 steps act as a catalyst to help you be heard.