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Everyone uses the bathroom at some point in their life. That is just a fact. Whether it’s a hole in the ground or one of those high-tech Japanese toilets that speaks to you, we’ve all been there and we all have a horror story about dealing with unspeakable ghosts the size of tennis balls left behind by a stranger. Mugger in a gloomy residence. It is not like this?

Unlocking a toilet when you know what lurks there is an unenviable task. But a blocked toilet is not good for anyone. Removing a solid accumulation of human waste, such as a work of art, takes time and patience. You can’t force it out. Here are some helpful plumbing tips for removing the most serious household blockages.

The cause

You should not flush anything larger than the average human stool down the toilet. Blocked toilets are often the result of improper disposal of “large foreign items”. Here is a list of things you should never flush down the toilet:

• Diapers
• Sanitary towels
• Children’s toys, such as toy tractors or finished Lego pirate ships
• Any pet larger than a small goldfish / gerbil, etc. (a garden burial is more honorable, and make sure your pet isn’t hibernating first.) Also, baby crocodiles that are thrown into the water have been known to seek revenge.

Don’t keep throwing it away

If you suspect that your toilet is blocked, don’t do it, we repeat, don’t keep flushing it. It may only make things incredibly worse for you, your floor, and any new clothes you may be wearing.

Tools you will need

To successfully unblock a toilet without the need for a professional plumber, you need the following provisions:

Reliable plunger;
Rubber gloves (always have a spare on hand, it will get dirty);
Old newspaper to detect any sewage spill / eruption;
Bucket (for water and also in case the stench is too much for you);
Wire / coat hanger;
Cleaning product: concentration depends on the severity / stubbornness of the blockage.

Very low

One of the plumbing tips that you probably don’t need to remember is putting on your gloves. Doing this with your own hands will destroy your soul. Place newspaper around the container to clean up any spills.

Take out some of the water and press the plunger down firmly, slowly lifting it up. Repeat this until the water begins to drain. It may take up to 10 tries, but it will work as long as the crash isn’t great.

The hanger method

If the plunger fails, fear not. A humble perch can be your saving grace. Unravel the hanger and slowly place it on the U-bend. Twist it a little until the lock gives way. Then flush the toilet and watch the magic touch of the hanger unfold before your very eyes. If this fails, try a “flexible snake” available at all good plumbing stores.

As always, if you need more plumbing advice, don’t be afraid to consult a local expert who can give you more advice for a nominal fee.

Of course, the best way to unblock a toilet is not to flush huge things. Rule of thumb: If you can’t eat it in one sitting, it’s probably too big for a toilet.

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