My wife told me that she hates me and wants to get a divorce! – How can I save my marriage?

A good friend of mine called me a while back and was pretty upset. “My wife told me that she hates me and wants a divorce,” he said. “How can I save my marriage?” It was sad to hear because I’m friends with both of them and I hated knowing they were having problems. We talked for about an hour and I shared what I had experienced when my own marriage almost ended and the incredible secret I learned that would change everything.

Don’t waste too much time worrying about your wife telling you she “hates” you. It is an emotional reaction based on her unhappiness in the marriage. Many spouses have made similar statements out of sheer frustration. In no way do I want to leave you with the impression that this is not a serious matter! Whenever things have reached the point where one of the spouses is talking about divorce, you have a serious situation and it requires immediate action. Just don’t get caught up in negative emotions. You will have to be in the wittiest state possible!

If you find yourself in a similar situation in your own marriage, there are a few things you need to know. The most common reaction when faced with a divorce you don’t want is to try to dissuade your spouse in any way possible. This rarely works. In fact, it will usually drive your spouse further away, give up any power she may still have in the relationship, and make you look less attractive. I learned this firsthand in my own marriage and have seen it play out over and over again with other couples I have counseled.

Here is the secret to saving your marriage:

1. Avoid the common mistakes that will ruin your chance to save the marriage. Don’t blame yourself or your wife. Don’t beg or plead with him. Don’t let anger or emotion cloud your thinking.

2. Love your wife enough to let her go. So is! The more you push, the more she will move away from her. Allow the natural and necessary space to occur between you.

3. Do not stubbornly cling to the idea that you can solve this problem on your own. Don’t be afraid to get help from an expert who specializes in saving marriages, not counseling couples. There is a difference!

4. Be willing to act to save your marriage! There is a proven step-by-step plan available to you, but you have to use it! The best plan in the world is worth nothing if it is not used.