“I hate my son!” – What does it mean, what to do!

I’m not going to do a long introduction here because you need to see your situation from another point of view. We as human beings often mix our deep feelings and our emotions generated almost instantly by some situations. Only the wise, or parents who have read this article (!), Have the ability to put aside their emotions and impulsive reactions and always express what they feel inside of them. I’m going to tell you what “I hate my son” really means. Children are good at pushing our buttons, they make us impulsive, do or say things that we may regret.

Why do I feel this?

Let me be simpler here. Saying “I hate my son” is the logical consequence (yes, I mean that) of the bad emotions that keep building up. The emotions and circumstances I’m talking about are probably our best enemies right now: frustration, anger, feeling overprotective, lack of time, irritability, challenging behavior in your child, not being heard, lack of compassion on the part of your child. or spouse, tiredness …

It is a vicious cycle for an important reason, sometimes difficult to accept: you misunderstand your child’s behavior and think you are a victim. I’m not being harsh here, it’s a reality that you have to face. Only when you put things in perspective can you react differently and therefore take the time to reconsider your feelings.

3 questions to ask yourself:

• Is it my anger (or any other negative emotion) that makes me think that I hate my child?
• Do I hate him (his personality) or his actions?
• What if I am influencing their actions?

Bad behavior in a child is a way of expressing himself. You have to teach alternatives, understand what hides a tantrum. I’m not blaming you. I know and I remember when I was so hurt and tired that I used to scream right away, wanted to spank, just reacted impulsively to stop the tantrum. This is the worst thing to do.

Your role is, among other things, to teach your child things, to prepare him for the adult world. What is wrong and what is right, how to express what you feel, how to help you have a good image of yourself, etc. No one ever said being a parent was easy! There is a side to your child that you do not perceive right now and there is a part of your personality that your child does not see either. In fact, you see so little of your child’s personality when he’s misbehaving, how can you really say “I hate my child”? Think about it.

How can I get rid of that feeling?

No one is a bad parent. Communicating with children is something we have to learn because we are not born parents. You should be aware that every reaction you have has a direct consequence on your child’s behavior. So now, you think it is part of his personality, but it is not. Children are not adults, they are not “whole.” Impulsiveness does not give rise to true feelings.

Also, be aware of what your child’s words are hiding. If a child says “I hate you”, he does not mean it, believe me, he does not know what hate is. Always make a difference between your child and his actions, which can change.

Saying “I hate my son” hides another feeling, a real one, which is: “I hate my son’s behavior.” It has nothing to do with your love for your child! Don’t feel guilty! If your child has intolerable behavior, it is normal for him not to like it. The truth is, you can’t ask and expect your child to change his behavior if you don’t change yours first. Have you ever tried to react differently? Keep calm and speak quietly? This is the key.

“I hate my son” will no longer be part of your vocabulary if you act quickly on the situation and focus on what needs to change in you first. You will no longer be overwhelmed by your “job” as a parent. All parents can overcome this feeling and regain peace.