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If you are reading this series of articles, chances are you are on the wrong side of a divorce/breakup. Chances are the relationship ended before you were ready to let it go. No matter which side of the breakup you’re on, breaking up is never easy. After a breakup, it’s not uncommon to have separation anxiety and wish things would go back to the way they were.

Getting your ex back is a slippery slope and not always successful. It’s no wonder the term get my ex back, get my ex back, how to get my ex back, or any similar combination is Googled over a million times a month. There are many people who are looking for answers on how to recover the love of their life. The sad reality is that most of these searches will produce results full of gadgets, tricks, and mind games that, at best, will temporarily attract the attention of the love you are trying to win.

For a longer-lasting result that will make your ex fall in love with you again, you should look no further than yourself for the answers. It is extremely important to understand that attraction is not a choice! I’ll say it again. Attraction is not a choice. Although there are numerous factors that affect attraction, the one thing that is certain is that attraction is an emotion and not a decision.

So what does that mean?

Since we should all agree that attraction is not a choice and that it is an emotion that is felt, then we should look at what makes someone attractive to the opposite sex. Without a doubt, the most attractive trait in the opposite sex, whether it is their attraction to a man or a woman, is confidence. So how do you develop trust? I’m glad you asked, as it’s a very good question, but it doesn’t get asked very often.

Confidence develops when you connect with who you are. Let me explain. Have you ever met someone who wasn’t the most beautiful person, but still had an extremely attractive way of being? That is trust. When someone feels so comfortable with themselves and connected to who they are, the traditional things that society labels as attractive go out the window. It is as if they somehow defy the laws of attraction.

So let’s apply this to your situation. The fact that you are on the wrong side of a breakup is probably due to the fact that your partner is no longer attracted to you. I know this sounds harsh and there are probably hundreds of reasons why you feel like the relationship has fallen apart. However, if you search hard enough, you’ll find that the core of the problem usually revolves around attraction.

Since confidence is found by those who are comfortable with themselves and confidence equals attraction, your goal is to attract your ex back. So the answer may lie in reconnecting with yourself and once again becoming comfortable with who you are. It is through this process that your ex will see you in a new light. But here is the best part. By the time you evolve to this level of trust, you may find that you are no longer interested in your ex, as you may have opened up a world of new possibilities.

However, first things first. The starting point of this journey is to create a separation between you and your ex. The first 30 days are the most critical and often the most painful. During these first 30 days, you’ll need to eliminate old patterns and behaviors that keep you connected to your ex as you begin to develop your own sense of independence.

These 10 tips for getting your ex back focus on what many call the no contact rule. The first month or two after a breakup is often filled with decisions, choices, and words spoken that destroy any hope that your ex will ever find you attractive again. So now it’s time to save the pity party and do what you came here to do. Your goal here is if possible all communication and connections with your ex. If you find yourself in a situation where this is impossible, you’ll want to severely limit communication to only relevant items, like kids, bills, business, etc.

The non-communication phase:

(1). Do not contact them for any reason: I don’t think I need to say much more about this. No matter how sad or lonely you feel, you can’t contact them for emotional reasons. As mentioned above, if you have business to attend to, handle it with them and you’re good to go. You should not show any level of emotion.

(two). Do not call them: Enough said on this point.

(3). Don’t text them – all the rules mentioned above apply to text. Especially the text. This includes the ever-popular late-night text message after a few drinks when you’re feeling the most emotional.

(4). Don’t email them – Email is the silent enemy during this period of no communication. It’s all too easy to compose a quick email and send it without thinking about the overall consequences of your words being printed forever.

(5). Don’t IM Them – IM is just as bad as email, so to remove any kind of temptation, you need to remove them from your IM list to avoid the instant gratification of communicating with your ex. Don’t worry, you won’t lose contact. If they really want to reach you, they still have your number.

(6). Don’t send them a letter: Does anyone really send letters anymore? Skip this one.

(7). Remove all social media traces – It would be wise to remove any and all social media traces or connections with your ex. The last thing you need during this phase of the breakup is to read a tweet about them on a date, or see a picture of them taking body shots from a bartender. Eliminate temptation and darken social networks.

(8). Remove all images from them for easy access: Get rid of all your images. This includes hard copies as well as images you have stored on your phone. You don’t need the constant reminder. Don’t worry, this is only temporary. You can back up everything and leave them with someone you trust who is looking at them later when they are more confident.

(9). Delete all old text messages: The same principle applies to text messages as it does to digital images. Delete them, or make a backup and then delete them, but you must remove them from your view. Also, what are you keeping all those ancient texts for? When everything goes as planned, you will soon start receiving new ones.

(10). Change their name on your cell phone: The last step in this phase is to delete your ex’s contact photo and change the name on your phone. This simple step is extremely powerful. When I was going through my breakup with my ex. I changed her name from Cassandra to NEVER AGAIN. Every time she called or texted, she was reminded of the path she was on and that she needed to avoid going back into dysfunction at all costs.

As time went on and I got through the first 30 days and had established new habits, I changed the name to THE DEVIL. Now, every time she called or texted, I was reminded that being with her was living in my own personal hell. These simple reminders set the tone and correct my thoughts.

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